It Wasn't Supposed to End Like That

(It's quite late on Monday... please bear with my late-night ramblings...)

My first response was shock and disbelief.  My second was, "Oh no, what about my brother-in-law?!"

Today's explosions at the finish line of the Boston Marathon struck too close, though I reside all the way across the country in Alaska.  My brother-in-law lives in New Hampshire and has run Boston in the past.  I didn't know if he was running it this year.  The explosions rocked the finish line area at a finish time that could have been his.  A phone call allayed that fear, as I found out he's not running Boston this year, but is instead training to run the New York City Marathon.

I have run the Portland (Oregon) Marathon a couple of times.  The start area is a tangled mass of nervous energy as runners prepare to tackle this feat of feet.  The marathon is the cherry on top after months of intense training and noble discipline.  The whole city turns out to support the event, as banners wave runners on, neighborhood after neighborhood pours out residents to cheer as participants jog past.  Multiple bands play along the route.  The runners parade by, buoyed by the support of thousands of people they've never met.

And then there is the finish.  The streets of the last mile are lined - no, almost rushed - by cheering family members, friends, onlookers.  The finish time clock beats each second as the runners heart swells, not with fatigue, but with pride at having accomplished something hard.  And everyone there shares in the celebration of each and every finisher.  It is a hard-to-explain jubilant, triumphant feeling

Or at least it's supposed to be.

It's not supposed to end like it did today.  Agony and sadness and chaos and fear reigned instead.

The unthinkable had happened.

And this, on a day of celebration in Boston.  Not just Marathon day, it was also Patriots' Day, when Bostonians commemorate the strong and independent nature of their brave forbears.  Many were off work for the day, ready to enjoy all that's right and good in our country.

Perhaps like you, I've spent the day shaken as I mourn again terrorizing attacks on innocent people in this great country.

Certainly whoever is responsible for these acts would love nothing more than to paralyze us - moms, dads, families, neighborhoods - with fear.  Fear!  Don't go out of your homes! don't go to public places! don't gather with others to celebrate the beauty of life!  Quite understandably, I'm sure the wounded and the families of the deceased victims will struggle with these things for a long time.  They will need our prayers for healing in the days and years to come.

What would I have done if that was my first marathon and my husband and two beautiful children were waiting for me at the finish?  Would I sign up to run it next year?  Honestly, I don't know.  I can't pretend to enter in to the rawness of what Bostonians are experiencing right now... as I type this.

At the risk of sounding trite or being accused of using a tragedy to write another blog, I find myself thinking of broad applications.  What has fear held me back from in my life?  What about you?  How long will you and I be held prisoner? 

 

Fear makes a terrible taskmaster:  not so much by what it makes you do, but by what it forbids.

Should my brother-in-law run that next marathon?  Would I?

 

Those beautiful souls in Boston today were living their lives in fullness.  I want to stand in solidarity with them somehow, and carry their torch into dark places.