I'm talking about my descent into outright emotional eating a few days ago.
It happened so fast. I had been using the computer to work on a project for Holistic Health Kick. I'd labored hard and was trying to meet a deadline. And then it happened: my screen froze. Nothing on the screen would move. I shut the thing off and rebooted it... still stuck.
So to deal with it - and this makes no sense now as I write this - I went straight into the kitchen and pulled out the pan of fresh [super high calorie] granola I'd just made. I was shoving handful after handful into my mouth. Yeah, that oughtta fix things.
But then one of my teen sons snapped me back into reality when he said, "Mom, what are you doing?"
What am I doing? Silly question. Wasn't it clear that I was trying to numb the anger and frustration I was feeling at that moment? I should have replied in honesty, "Well, son, I'm using food as a drug to deaden the strong emotions I'm experiencing." 'Cause that's what I was doing.
What is emotional eating? It's a familiar term predominantly thought of as using food as a means of coping with emotions. But that would imply that all emotional eating is detrimental or undesirable.
A more accurate definition may be one that simply links food and emotions together. It is not wrong to cook a lovely dinner for your spouse. It's not wrong to celebrate birthdays with a cake. It is not wrong to enjoy food.
The issue, then, is not that food and emotions should always be separated, but that when you're using food as a drug, you're using it to alter your emotions, numbing yourself to the realities of life around you.
Of course, attempts at numbing could involve alcohol, shopping, internet gaming or internet surfing, or sex, drugs, rock and roll, or _________________ (fill in the blank).
My drug of choice was handful after handful of great gobs of that granola I'd just made. The sweetness in it raised my mood almost instantly, so I continued to shove it into my mouth; that is, until my son brought me back into reality.
"Oh wait," I remembered, "You're a health coach. Get it together, girl. What can you do instead?"
I tried calling a friend. She wasn't available, so I left a voice mail and then went for a walk. By the time I returned home, the urge to deaden my feelings of anger had subsided, as had my desire to numb them with food.
None of that fixed my blank-ety-blank-blank computer (hey, this is a family show). I was still left with the stuck screen. Food will never fix the issue. The issue could be relational in nature, or financial, or physical. There is not enough food in the world to fix our problems. Sometimes we just have to walk straight through the fire, so to speak. Be mad. Be sad. Feel frustrated.
There are many reasons why people emotional eat: boredom, loneliness, sadness, anger, guilt, grief, to please someone, to fill space when changing tasks, to avoid doing something unpleasant... When the desire to eat though you're not actually physically hungry strikes, pause, and ask yourself, "What am I really hungry for?" If you're hungry for love or peace or acceptance or answers to the big questions or a solution as to why your computer screen suddenly froze, it won't be found in your pantry or refrigerator. It ain't in there.
Ask yourself how you could deal with the issues instead. Can you call a friend to talk about it? Can you go on a walk to sort things out in your head? Can you journal your feelings? Can you get sweaty in a tough workout? Can you take some deep breaths before you do something you'll regret? In taking time to be present with your issues, you may even find yourself coming to a solution or peace of mind.
My computer is still stuck. But the emotion surrounding it has subsided.
Life goes on. I am temporarily using a different computer.
